Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Television's leading comedians devoted the broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, labeled the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Spin

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas song targeting the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins all he touches."

The subject was the new program which enables international citizens to buy U.S. residency for a sum of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for five million. The program's website pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note for you to wealthy applicants: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.